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Monthly Archives: June 2011

10 Non-Sexual reasons to carry Condoms


1.Remember the TRUST advert of yesteryears whea a guy uses his rubber to ‘dress’ a ladies umbrella?as the whole town watches??

2.A condom’s waterproof-ness is somethng that s very under-utilised.Figure,that day when you don’t have a shower cap and it rains??would(ideally)work wonderfully.

3.Ever noticed how of late young men have what seem like OBESE wallets?Do not be cheated by the budge ladies,a few condoms in a wallet always does the trick(sorry guys,had 2 tell em that,they’ld have found out anyway)
4.Imagine u woke up in a dream where you are facing Mike Tyson n he wanted bare knuckles?Because condoms are meant ‘to be there whle nt bng thea’f u put them over your fists,you have an unfair(and slippery)advantage,even MT would just slip off,ryt??

5.How many epics have you watched where the hero gets saved by a coin in his breast pocket??or a modern movie where the cop survives a bullet because his badge deflected the bullet??Many,i presume,a piece of rubber could save your life too,hypothetically.Imagine you unsuspectingly sit on a nail,if your wallet has 3 pieces,your bottom would be saved,mayb potential tetanus,n death,linear logic??

6.It reduces the loss if you’re mugged and if you are muggd by the ‘interactive type’,you could spread the gospel of the latex. +it makes a fake wallet more believable.

7.Drunkards sometimes say that they drink to keep the workers in the brewery at work,need i apply the same for the latex??I trust you are sharp enough..

8.(….and this is for the ladies)you know those times when ua bag falls open n u bend,embarrased,to collect your ‘assets’?and then the ever present very hot guy bends to help?imagn the embarrasment when he picks ua stash of sanitary towels??u cn beat that with th wink when he gets 2 collecting your latex(OMG!did i just write a script for a whole scene of a soap opera?ryt before the annoying commercial?)

9.1word;cops!y’all knw th story,when you get arrested and they empty your pockets,and document the contents?can i bet you 100 to 1 that rubber will NEVER appear in the inventory.Where it goes,only the god of cops knows!

10.When i was in Form1,latex had a minor use that always ended up with us(the freshers)having a bad stomåch and quèerly oily lips.You wanna know what??scroll down….

Keep scrolling, the answer is a bit embarrasing...

A bit more down

BALLOONS!!*sad face*Runs to throw up*Curses!*

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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

The Perfect Crime


Al Capone was the perfect criminal, and am beginning to think that our very own John Harun Mwau is. This are the kingpins of crime who everyone recognizes but no one can pin down with evidence. Al Capone was only convicted for evasion of tax despite the fact that he had committed possibly every crime there was to commit, except suicide. He dealt in cash, never got his hands muddied and bribed everyone.Does the perfect crime exist? The problem with most criminals is despite careful planning, most of them never plan to be caught. Many have tried to commit the so-called perfect crime, and nearly succeeded.

With the Samuel Wanjiru case, however, a new dynamic plays into the Kenyan crime scene. First, the notion that any death is an open-and-shut case has always been misguided. The KGB, famous for their ingenuity in conspiracy and murder where the CIA lacked in execution, still hold the records for some of the most seemingly normal deaths. The Mossad is too messy, but they have revolutionized the game in the sense that it is not swag to commit crime for country and hide now. [In 1978, Bulgarian dissident and playwright Georgi Markov was leaving the BBC London office where he worked and heading home. Waiting at a crowded bus stop, Markov felt a sudden sharp pain in his thigh and turned to see a large man bending down to pick up a black umbrella. The man apologized in a thick foreign accent and hopped into a taxi. Markov found a growing red pimple where he had felt the sting, and came down with a fever that night. Four days later, he was dead, the victim of one of the most diabolical assassinations in modern history — the Umbrella Incident.]

Any investigator will tell you that the hardest criminal to catch is the one who leaves evidence deliberately. To the forensic scientist, there is nothing harder to decipher than the mind of the person after the crime. If the body has been bludgeoned many time, then it is easy to reckon that the murderer was either angry or scared. The problem comes if all you find is strategically placed evidence. The MOSSAD are the geniuses at this, remember the 2010 murder of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh in Dubai? An 11 man team worked out a crime so elaborate it is intriguing. Modern day forensic science means that it is hard to not get caught, people like me spend an entire class being lectured on the thinking of a criminal and the possible mistakes to look out for. Most people who have tried to commit the perfect crime have tried too hard to wash away the evidence. It is the same disease the Spartans suffered from, and the same thing that makes a tiger that is scouting prey the easiest to shoot down. Focusing on a target, that is to not get caught, makes you the ideal criminal.

It requires no BAU or NCIS to develop a profile, even a Mrs. Wigwe [no offence, but her story stinks!] can make one. The concept is simple and straightforward, a crime scene with no evidence is not a perfect crime, sometimes the absence of something makes that very thing the more louder.

The point is, there is no perfect crime. Perhaps the only the one that you don’t commit, but then again, what would we do with all this cops if crime did not exist?

 
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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

 
 
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